Cognitive Distortion: Blaming

Cognitive Distortion: Blaming

What is: Blaming?

Blaming is a cognitive distortion that warps the sufferer’s thinking pattern into attributing feelings of negativity and negative experiences to other people. When you are in this distortion, nothing is ever your fault, you have no responsibility for any outcomes, this also strips the sufferer of their own personal power. When nothing falls back on you, you rob yourself of the opportunity of growth. Which is what the enemy enjoys about this distortion, you voluntarily give away you autonomy and gain a victim mentality. 

Similar to other distortions, blaming leads to lack of acknowledgement of one’s own impact in situations. Instead other people’s actions and forces out of your control are responsible for all negativity in your life. This lets the person escape accountability from the things they do, which creates a lawlessness to their personality that can be unpleasant. This is oftentimes seen in abusive relationships, where the abuser will blame their victim for what they do to them. 

Distortion in Real-Life

Let’s look at a few examples of how this distortion can manifest itself in real life situations. 

• Student: Struggles in science and blames teachers for being unfair, parents for not helping enough, or classmates for distractions — instead of asking for help or finding better ways to study.
• Employee: Missy misses a deadline and blames her boss for poor planning or a coworker for not pulling their weight. Never admits to their own procrastination or lack of organization.
• Parent: Yells at a child and says, “You made me mad!” — placing emotional responsibility on a child instead of regulating their own reactions.

A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Blaming creates a circle of resentment, anger, impotence, and shame in the sufferer. When the accuser blames others for everything negative in their life, they are stripping themselves, mentally, of self autonomy. If everything is someone else’s fault, you are actually not very strong in your own life, this creates the shame that starts this never ending circle.  

Blaming may feel like power — but it’s really paralysis. You can’t grow when your eyes are locked on someone else’s faults. You can’t heal if you think someone else has to change before you do. But when you stop blaming and start owning your story, you open the door to transformation. You are not powerless. You are not alone. God is ready to walk you through — and out of — every pit.

God’s Truth/Biblical Response:

Romans 14:12 – “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.”
Ezekiel 18:20 – “The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent…”
Galatians 6:5 – “Each one should carry their own load.”

God calls us to ownership, not blame. To grow, we must take responsibility for our thoughts, actions, and healing — even when others have hurt us. God doesn’t expect perfection, but He does expect honesty and accountability. Because that’s how freedom begins.

Healing Tools and Thought Practices

• Make a physical list with two columns:

1. What I am responsible for 
2. What I am not responsible for

• Reframe the Blame:
  Instead of “They made me feel ___,” try:
  “I felt ___ when they did ___. Here’s how I can respond.”
• Forgiveness Practice:
  Write down the name of someone you’ve been blaming.
  Speak out loud: “They hurt me, but they don’t control me. I forgive them. I choose healing.”
  (You don’t have to forget — but you can release.)
• Scripture Checkpoint:
  Ask: “Am I blaming someone to avoid what God is trying to show me?”
  Then read Psalm 139:23-24 and ask God to search your heart gently.

Let’s Connect 

Have you been pointing fingers where you need to open your hands?
Let’s talk about how blame might be stealing your peace.
You are not stuck — you’re just one honest step away from breakthrough.
Let’s lift the veil, together.